i had meant to put a few thoughts down as things happened, but never got around to it, so i'll just mention them now. partly because activities and hang-outs, partly because of the democratic national convention, but i haven't found the free time and motivation to write any of this in the past few days.

the DNC was awesome. politics is kind of exciting for me right now. bill clinton open for biden on wednesday. both were incredible. can't be specific this long after, but both were fiesty and nipped at the republican's plenty and expressed there confidence in obama and his vision and leadership. obama was ridiculous on thursday. it was an amazing 4 days and from 8 until bedtime, the DNC was typically on the front burning dictating the rest of my night. something good is happening right now. i'm living through something right now that has the potential and FEELS LIKE can change the world.

i got pre-fired on wednesday Aug 27th, 2008. my feelings of fear from the last entry were completely justified and right on the money....wahoo!, i'm right (sarcastic enthusiasm). well, i guess i'm not fired (just "laid off"), but there will be no more contract employees as of october 1. there's a couple of date before that to "cut-down the roster," but my boss said (and it seems logical) our group won't be downsized before oct 1. with bad news i like to have bad weather (i love when mondays are crappy weather-wise because i'm generally never in high spirits to start a week and i like my environment to reflect and enhance my current feelings). but ironically, it was a gorgeous day last wednesday and i was glad it was beautiful. adam was in our office for the day so i chatted with him for a bit in the morning and then we went out to grab some food for lunch. he noticed my reletively cheery mood considering i just heard the bad news a few hours earlier and i couldn't explain it then. i guess after a little reflection (and feeling the standard "layed off" feelings for a while on thursday during working hours) i can explain it better; i think it's because this job has kind of kept me treading water. i'm not that interested to find another job because the pay here is nice, the hours are semi-flexible (and can always add up to 40), and the responsibilities are few which ultimately adds up to mean i don't have to take the job too seriously and i never have to grow-up. i didn't want to quit before i had another job and i didn't really try to hard to find another job, so what i'm trying to say is that by being "fired" its forcing me to move on. now, let me say that's why (i think) the whole situation didn't FEEL so bad. also, because it's still a few weeks away, the feeling hasn't hit nearly as hard. when i actually have my last day and i don't get any more paychecks, then it could REALLY, REALLY start to suck just watching the savings go down and down and never refill and spending money on fun (booze, food, entertainment) will make me feel a little guilty and ultimatley take away from my overall enjoyment of a given situation.

so that sucks. i was hoping to work until i paid for christmas, my supplies, and my marathon trip to arizona so that my account wouldn't go down by huge chunks without a little rebound. i guess that can kind of still happen, i just need to get my butt in gear and pay buy these things soon, but there is a light. my plan to work at REI started last friday when i went over there to pick up an application. i got real nervous, i guess cause i felt kind of desperate and pathetic, but i decided to just swallow those feelings and ask. i ended up having a little conversation with a couple younger guys (inadvertant smart move on my part) about the hiring process and my chances if i only bike and run, but it seems promising. they generally hire through this "hiring clinic" they do a few times a year and guess when there next hiring clinic is....october 11. that means i could finish with AT&T, sign up for unemployment, not feel completely terrible, do lots of reading, get lots of sleep, throw a fresh resume out there and maybe a couple applications, go to the clinic and start working at REI so i have a job to justify spending money on my birthday and halloween. again, i need to bring myself back to reality because this is my only plan thus far. if it fails (not sure on the liklihood of it's failure), i'll be triple bummed and starting from scratch and no more money coming in. so i'll try and remain realistic (and diversified, start looking for other jobs NOW RYAN!!!) but i'd like to keep my hopes up...afterall, i run on the promise of good things to come.

so that was last wednesday. thursday i wanted to go to quigley's (go figure), but circumstances conspired against me so it looked unlikely. then, brenden tells me somethings brewing, megan calls me saying bridget's in town and people are going out in downers grove. i ended up waiting to go with chris (and brendan came later), but we met up with megan and emily, bridget was there with katie sturges and some girl named colleen (turned out i'd met her a while ago in dekalb and let's just say i wasn't well liked based on that first meeting...largely in part to alcohol). but she was buzzed enough and time healed enough and i was sober enough and humble enough to apologize for my previous behavior and i think i'm not on her shit list (maybe not quite in her good graces yet, but I THINK we're on pleasant terms). downers grove was kind of lame and they all (bridget, katie, colleen) were up for more drinking and hanging out so were actually got a crew to go to galloways...the infamous "dance" bar, at least that's all i heard from brendan and chris. after getting lost and spending 35 minutes driving instead of under 20, we arrived....it was just a regular bar in my opinion, maybe because it was only thursday, but it seemed as good of place as any to have fun and being open until 4am most nights scratched all our itches. chris immediately bought shots for everyone (then was offered another round for free somehow), i bought beers for everyone and the night was picking up again. the drive killed a lot of the buzz, but we got it back. i had my 2 shots and took at least 1 (maybe 2) left over shots. there was also an extra beer so i was good on drinks the rest of the night. new faces, new places and not having to worry about driving...i was quite happy. nothing super great, just through and through, old fashioned, american enjoyment. the night ended late, i think i got home after 4am. i woke up late and was super tired so work was a drag, but the jobs these days are quite small and the alloted 26.66 hours to do builds in some good slack i sometimes take advantage of.

friday was volleyball at the foundry. i didn't buy a beer when i got there, was just going to wait until we won the beer card to start my drinking. unfortunately, i forgot that when i assume something, it rarely comes true for me. we played some random team in our pool (actually one of teams i reffed the previous week) and we LOST!! it was super frusterating and i made a few bone-head mistakes myself, but not the degree or frequency of others on the team. we just sucked and it was painfully frusterating for me endure. we won the last game, but lost the first 2 so no beer card and our seeding (which is terribly important this session) could be severely hurt.

saturday i went up to dekalb with megan. we "played" edward 40 hands...you tape a 40 oz beer to each hand so you can't use them until you finish your beers. i foolishly hoped there'd be more than dave's roommates and our friends from around here so the night could only score a 9. it didn't even get to there, but it was entertaining enough and now i can say "i've played edward 40 hands."

woke up sunday early (about 9am) and so did others. the tv was never turned on and we just talked about stuff for a few hours. it was actually kind of nice. sunday was lazily progressing when i got a text from jason to head to quigley's for dinner. it not the same when it's not thursday, but i'll take what i can get. so i readied myself only to find out last fling was occuring and parking would be difficult. jason graciously offered to come pick me up. we arrived, started drinking (bar tender was mark's girlfriend/date from brent and mary's wedding...small world). janice and kt hrdina joined us. so did joe murphy. we decided to go to a party kt knew about...GIANT mistake. it was shady all along, but we figured it could be worth it. joe didn't have an idea so bars were out anyway and he was driving everyone. after a really shitty party (being accused of not being old enough after showing my id, then asked to leave), we decided to go to kt's house. pat met us there, kt sturges and bridget and scott (a friend of bridget's) also came and so did mike heller so we had a nice little group. it was actually more fun than i expected and i didn't drink all that much, and since i didn't have my own car there, it was nice to not be "that guy" wanting to leave because he's not having fun and bringing everyone down.

monday sucked. it was like sunday on steroids. mom and dad went to see mark and i didn't feel like going, so my day consisted of not much. i wasn't that tired after waking up at 11ish, but i didn't do ANYTHING all day but watch tv so i never woke up and was napping on-and-off all day. complete waste when i had wanted to update this, or buy my plane ticket or hotel, or read or do ANYTHING! then i went to bed quite late because i got caught up watching a college football game go into overtime. it sucked.

but today was way more productive. got my run in the sweltering heat; took the dog for a walk; did my laundry; updated the journal; watched half a movie on the hostage crisis in beslan from 2004....and went to work for 8.5 hours! it's amazing what some structure will do to one's productivity. i can't wait until i'm unemployeed, that's a REALLY tough rut to get out of.

and i'm pleased to say i haven't emailed erin...it's been over a week and i've successfully kept myself from writing more crap just to distract myself. we have a LONG time and not much has changed really so i'm glad i still have the will power to refrain from something i'm seeking to refrain from. i obviously spend work time looking at panniers and racks still...i'm just bidding my time until the REI "garage sale" on sept 21 when i hope to finally procure a tent and/or a sleeping bag and anything else i see that intrigues me. i wish i could say it'd be my last splurge until i get another job, but we all know that i got too much stuff to buy before i start my trip to honestly say that.

dave doesn't return my calls/texts anymore. i thought it was because he was in his basement during a stretch of 10 contacts in 3 days, but it's virtually pointless for me to try and get in touch with him via phone these days...i can't say that makes me happy.

anywho, this took longer than i wanted, but i always know it will. glad i'm thoroughly caught up now.