[sunday] friday was a party at chris's place. it was relatively fun. a unique crowd...brendan's parents, his 14 year old sister (and her 16 year old boyfriend) and sara's parents added to the usual suspects of the local group and some angeli's folks. played a few car games, some beer pong...little dancing, lots of drinking...nothing spectacular about the night, the crowd start to disapate at some point and a few of us just passed out downstairs. it was pretty fun which probably had a lot to do with a good attitude going into it and no drama (or anything else to take away from the fun vibe). woke up earlier and went home...was in no hurry for the day so napped a little, then went for a run, set up my bike on the trainer, spent some time on rosetta stone and then headed to the train station to go to elise's for the evening to hang out with arjun and melissa. when i finally got there (1 train ride, walk, 20 minutes on el, then more walking) it was nearly a party. arjun/melissa, elise/jim, kristi, amy, whitney/arjun, ruth/aaron, monica...then another half dozen people rolled in after me. good people, good times, lots of beer and snacks and then we finally headed out to a bar. the bar isn't my favorite and it sucks just a little bit more when it's more of a dance bar and everyone you came with came with someone to dance with. ian's pizza stop on the way home was great! nothing much happened after getting home...i was without a decent place to sleep but ended up pushing two big ottomans together and was fairly satisfied with that. on the train ride in, i was dozing off when 2 people sat down next to me. we chatted some and they were cool people. had a dream that those "train barcrawl" people (got to bar, ride a stop or 2, hit another bar, ride a stop or 2....repeat until you get to chicago) randomly walked past us while we were waiting in line for a bar; the guy was pretty chill, the girl nice but not that good looking (but she was russian!), and then late in the ride some other girl plopped down with us and in my head that was because she liked me a little...probably why it was on my mind.

while drinking at elise's, a girl i'd met before (but never really talked to and it had been a while) named kate joined the party. i bumped into her in the kitchen and we somehow got to talking about travel...she said she wants to travel right after taking her boards on june 16 and costa rica is a cheaper destination and quite cheap roundtrip tickets if you act well in advance. i don't think i invited myself at all (but i can't remember for sure), but she kind of invited me. so i just sent her a message on facebook (since she left and didn't meet back up with us later) inquiring again/further. she has a friend that's interested in traveling with her so that may be enough to make me feel weird and not crash a 2-friend trip, but we'll see. so spain in late october, baltimore early november, rome in late march and costa rica in mid-june? and since i was back home to see brent/nora/brynn (and a good dinner) i hopped on the internet and did some mild investigations into volunteering (kate had a friend that volunteered and she motivated me to just google "volunteering in africa") and the antarctica marathon. both are going to be more work than i wanted, but i still would like to do both...although the marathon could get REALLY pricey if i just wanted to cut a check and show up in one place and have all my travel and transfers and meals taken care of. and one place said they only have 100 spots available (maybe one of those packages deals thing...couldn't be for the race, could it?...but that was full for 2010, 2011 AND 2012). i could probably do with more planning and training and saving. i conveyed this to kate while we were talking and i think i've had this feeling for a while, but never said it out loud until saturday: i absolutely love to travel and desperatley want to see as much of the world as i can, but no one around me has both the time AND the money. if i have it my way, that will be remedied at least for the better part of the year. and maybe even longer than that...i got a thanksgiving email from aine and she's staying in new zealand indefinitely so i REALLY, REALLY, REALLY hope i can somehow be invited out there. also, i commented on allison's facebook status where she said she wants to practice her spanish (apparently, my humourously playful email inspired her to hone her modest spanish skills) and her reply asked "when are we going to south america. not sure if that meant biking or normal traveling and there was some degree of jest in the comment...but i think we're both on-board to travel with a relative stranger and i could definitely see that happening at some point.

speaking of saving...finally got around to putting my money into my roth IRA for 2009. felt good, and i have enough $$ to not feel the pain to much...it's really nice to be employeed and making a good wage.

started to work out what my first piece of art is going to be. surprise, surprise it's going to be harder than i thought. once i started roughing out the idea, it got more and more elaborate and i hope it won't be too much, but now i need to hit up the art store to see if i can get the paper i want and the colored pencils (and/or pens i think i'll need) and based on other errands i took forever to complete, i hope i can accomplish this task in a more timely manner.

it's getting late again and i'm still at parent's place...i'm taking off. didn't even have time to proofread this so bear with the mistakes (or maybe i'll reread this at a later date and fix them).

other things that have happened in the past few weeks....

talking quite a bit with lourdes at work. i really like her, but i don't see how i'm going to take this outside of work. and even if i could, she's quite introverted and shy and not a drinker, and that didn't work for me before (although that was a couple years ago, maybe i could deal with that much better now). i love trying to learn spanish through her. we're talking a lot about art and i think i'll get back into it because of talking with her (shooting to make something once a month). she's SOOO shy though! talking on Q at work she's great, but passing her in the hall or walking over to her desk she barely can bring herself to talk...i want to hang out with her outside of work so she can practice her english with me!

jamye's birthday happened. i brought brownies and gave her the keychain i picked up in madrid. this was the best chance to hang out outside of work, but her plans fell through for the actual birthday weekend and then it kind of fell apart (still went to the city, but didn't go to bars like i wanted)...so i just hung out a second night with dan and his group. i don't talk to her as much (since i talk a lot with lourdes) and we haven't really had a serious conversation in weeks. i'm ok with that.

the girl from halloween was texting me like crazy and i wasn't too keen to hang out, but i couldn't bring myself to just not answer back or ignore her calls. went to her birthday party on friday night only because dan and his friends were going. the party was pretty fun. didn't really talk to her (and she was really drunk by the time we got there). i like the girl from halloween who's dating? eric disilvestro and we had some good conversation...she's a republican and a funeral direct...very different, very cool...good personality. why am i getting my hopes up.

gotta go..it's late. just watched fucking real salt lake win the championship...on fucking pk's...fuck.

running is going ok so far. finally got back into working out after missing 3 weeks (starting about my birthday). going to run the rome marathon so i have a goal to keep me motivated, unfortunately that cuts about 4 weeks off my training which will force me to ramp up the miles and intensity sooner than i wanted. not sure how much i want to do workouts, but i'll probably incorporate some just to mix up the training. dan invite a friend who was wanting to do an international marathon so that could be a fun trip. i actually brought this up to lourdes and told her to learn italian and then join us, but she ruled that out. i don't know her financial situation, but rosetta stone, driving back to guadalajara for a few weeks, probably buying christmas presents...just wasn't in the cards to drop hundreds on another luxury. oh well.

i've been to 3 dinner's over at barb's house. despite them occuring on monday's, the first one was a long hang out (left about 1am?), the second was quite short (just me and brendan there) and the last one was very long. nearly left around 11pm, but took the drinking downstairs for some kareoke which turned into some dancing. i would have stayed longer (left at about 3am), but sara pissed me off, ruined my good mood so i left (intentionally spilling wine, which turned out to be about half a glass, on me as i tried to drink...thank goodness it was white wine). she's done that quite a bit, actually, the whole getting under my skin thing. i want to like her, but there are many moments where she makes that really hard for me. i used to want her to be around for hang outs, but now i don't feel nearly as strongly.

went to the eastern conference final between chicago fire and real salt lake (not sure if i mentioned this already). i thought it was going to be a blast, but there was no pregame, no tailgating, the game was alright (0-0, fire lost in pk's), but no postgame...and brendan/sara had made it seem like the whole day would be an event so i was disappointed at the lack of anything (and a fire loss).

black wednesday was just yesterday. nothing was panning out and it seemed like no one was doing anything but ended up at angeli's, went to maple av. i was in a surprisingly chipper mood and the fact i was with brendan/sara and chris/shannon and some angeli's kid didn't seem to diminish it. i got very frusterated when i needed to drive everyone back to brendan's (through a point that may very well have included a check point). then when we had to stop at the restaurant first to pick up cars and i was not feeling chris's attitude after he volunteered to drive...i think he acts quite different now that he has a "girlfriend" (it seems like they're going out or dating) and i'm not a fan of the change. anyway you look at it, i wasn't terribly happy and knowing they were going to drink my trunk beer and it was already later (1:15am) and it was just me and the couples...i bailed. didn't even say goodbye, which may have been a dick move, but i didn't care.

i noticed just the other day that my hobbies these days (or the things i'm spending my time doing these days) are all individual activities. i want to get back into drawing/art...that's just me at home. rosetta stone is just me at home. running and working out is just me. reading is just me. drinking...if it's with new chris (and shannon) and sara (and brendan) i could see myself declining a number of invites; and they are pretty much the only people that do stuff anymore. it's been a long time since i've seen megan, don't see janice and jason too much since the wedding, don't really hang out with dave anymore; dan's group is fun, but a little bit of a hike and not available on every weekend. and despite that negative sounding tone, i think i'm ok with the way things are shaping up.

what else...liking the change in weather with gloomy days. not that i would want this everyday, but the change is exciting to me. saw a few beautiful sunsets (and lots of cool looking low-hanging cloud sky's) but no camera and at this point (late november) the sun is well set by the time i leave work at 4:30pm.

just sent a messge to christy earlier this week...not expecting anything right away; we're not that kind of communication basis. unsure where that stands after baltimore looked so promising and then fell through...i guess it's back to where it was before, just an email every once in a while saying what's going on.

FINALLY got a letter back from aine earlier this month. i waited and waited and waited and even sent a couple emails asking what's up, what's going on?....and i waited and waited and heard nothing. so i sent another email that basically implied it was my last one (very subtle, not dramatic, very short...afterall, it had been about 4 months since i heard from her!!) and wouldn't you know it, there's a letter in my mailbox a few days later...figures with my timing. no hurry to get back to her...shaping up to be a pre-christmas letter. i don't know if thinking back to the summer i just remember the feelings or whether i still do have feelings, but either way it's probably irrelevant.

thanksgiving was today. nothing special. saw brent and mary and nieces. the usual crowd...it was nice to have basically all the people there (uncle jon and his step-kids and grant). food was ok, but not as good as i remember last year.

that's about it...that catches me up...kind of. missed out on a lot more details waiting to write about stuff for so long and missed out on more than just factual recap, but at least i'm caught up. and nothing major, like a birthday or trip to spain or baltimore, is in the works so hopefully don't get this far behind again. and the prospect of paying for the internet could help with this problem...also, pandora is a potential reason, access to itunes, being more productive (and connected), access to some tv shows and knowing the weather for running are all reasons to pay. i think it'll happen.

just got a text from erik pieler reading "Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I'm sorry that i've been distant and not much of a friend lately. it's hard to explain myself fully in a text and this is probably not the time. all i can say is i love you all and i truly do value the friendship of each one of you. i owe it to you all to be a better friend."
....strange.

that's all for me. heading home to catch some sleep so i can work a full? day tomorrow. party at chris's tomorrow night so hopefully that will be fun. it's odd going out on a wednesday, having thursday off, then going back to work on friday (maybe saturday) and then the weekend. i'm all confused.

turns out i've been to baltimore 5 times...in just over 2 years, that works out to a visit every 5ish months. it doesn't seem that often, but i like arjun and melissa and traveling and there friends out there are pretty cool. i was extra excited to go because there was a good chance christy was going to drive up to baltimore and hang out. so i get out there on thursday night thinking there's no real plan and i will get to see christy. friday leisurely starts, melissa and i go for a run and i was determined to make that the first official run in my marathon training. we squeeze in a run, then meet arjun and some co-workers for lunch. during some down-time i just hung out on the roof by myself listening to my ipod. it was great weather, life was good...i was happy. later melissa, ryan mcgrath and i go to an art museum...that was ok, i think museum's just aren't my thing. we then hang out, pick ruth up at the airport on our way to dc. went to brian brodeurs new place which took me to a new part of the town so that was cool. decent dinner, but no one was feeling it so we decided to just drive back to baltimore. i also learned during the course of the day, that there was a "hubs of fury" happening on saturday. that's a bar crawl around baltimore...on bikes. i was kind of excited about it, except for the fact that event (starting mid afternoon) would make a meeting with christy QUITE difficult. she works until mid-afternoon and starts early (even on the weekends) so i was more nervous she'd try and make the sizeable effort to get to baltimore and i'd be drunk or breaking away from the group. turns out she called while we were at the 3rd bar and it was the first time i'd talked to her on the phone. it was a good conversation, but we determined getting together on this trip was not a good idea. the conversation went on much longer than i'd expected and i had to end it because the group was moving on. we get some pizza at arjun's, then the bars would come faster and closer together...because at this point we were riding more than we were drinking. the whole night there was no issue with people getting lost or crashing or anything which was great. i think i bought more than my fair share of beer but it didn't matter too much. i was riding a crappy bike with the same shoes i had on for my crash in oregon, but made it to the end. and i ended up getting pretty drunk. we had a pretty good sized crowd and took over a good chunk of the dance floor at the last bar. it was a blast just dancing and drinking with a lot of new faces. i'm pretty sure jen's and my lips touched, but i think she said "i have a boyfriend" and nothing panned out. sunday arrived and i felt quite good. most others weren't as good. but at some point the group gave into my wishes for a run. so arjun, melissa, ruth and i hop in the car and drive to a national forest and get a really nice 35 minute run in. i went shirtless cuz it was soo nice and the hills really were making me work. felt good to run with others...very happy we took advantage of the unbelievably great weather (maybe hit 70?). it was timed perfectly so that i could shower, hang out for a little and then get driven to the airport to head home. it was nice to not arrive back home in chicago late sunday, but i did regret missing the super chill cookout and roof lounging...not only cuz it sounded like a perfect chill night, but because there is a high probablity christy could have come up to enjoy it.

wow...3 weeks before i get a chance to write. consequently, it's going to be the very short version. the run-up to halloween wasn't memorable enough for me to remember it 3 weeks later so i'll just mention the actual day.

not wanting to hang with the college group for what has been (and assumed would be again) a relatively disappointing evening, i chose to take dan up on his offer to hang out in the city and go to a party. it was new faces and a pretty fun crowd so i was happy. after seeing some pictures i didn't meet or see everyone at the party (or at least didn't remember them). i was the pope which was an uninspired costume that i chose simply because i thought it'd make for some funny drunken, or passed out, pictures. nothing spectacular about the night, but good drunken times. i started dancing towards the end of the night as the crowd was slowly dwindling. i ended up rocking some creepy see-through mask (minus some eye shadow and lipstick) which i enjoyed. right near the end of the dancing/night some girl was dancing around/with me...she offered to give me her number and i unenthusiastically obliged. our group cabbed back to dan's, i passed out.

despite all the talk and all the options (or lack there of) and possible ways to get back to america, i decided i should just stay with the group. i had thoughts of staying in madrid, flying direct to amsterdam then meeting up with dave and matt, which would allow me a number of solo hours in madrid to try and find that girl or at least see what it felt like to be alone in a foreign city i love. so to get to america, we would fly to paris, a short wait, then train to amsterdam where we'd have a long night before flying out that morning. the paris flight was on a cheap airline called easyjet.com and it was perplexing why there was no action 15 minutes before our flight. turns out it was daylights savings time so we had another VERY short night of sleep and spent an extra hour waiting in an airport...grrrr. and then you're only allowed 1 bag on this flight!!! probably because there was so little leg room they just decided "no personal item." luckily we could all cram our stuff into just 1 bag. we arrive in paris, head to the train station to get to where our train for amsterdam leaves. it was strange not knowing a word (unlike madrid) and i let dave and matt (high school french students run the show). it was frusterating being told something then hitting a wall, being told something, then hitting a wall...i partly blame dave and matt for not asking more explicit questions. amidst this whole production of trying to get a metro to the train station, we see a man scamper out of an elevator and hurriedly scoot away just before a security figure comes running at him. shortly after that, my eyes get irritated, my throat is uncomfortable and i wasn't sure what was going on. i got worried when matt and dave start saying and acting the same way...i got REALLY worried when i see lots of other people in the train station acting the same way. major foreign city...something serious COULD be happening. but it doesn't get worse and as we start walking the sypmtoms lessen. our conclusion is that we were "contact" pepper sprayed. a woman passed out and the stagnant air made a reasonably large area quite uncomfortable for a while, but we figure out where we need to go to catch our train (dan's instructions may have just confused us, but his intentions were good). so off we go via the metro to the train station. then we try to get our tickets, but there's a problem. so for the next hour+ we try various routes and finally talk to an employee who informs us the train dan somehow booked for us does NOT exist! thankfully we sorted it out in time to get on a train about when we wanted, but the confusion did not allow for any paris strolling. a frantic walk to find an internet cafe infuriated me and we only walked around 1 block instead of spending 30 minutes trying to soak in paris. we ended up riding the equivalent of standby on the train (ahh, so much insecurity while traveling!) but i didn't care. we riding a high speed train to brussels and i get to see more of europe. i ended up not really having a seat, but it was irrelevant because i spent 90% of the time in the food/drink car and just enjoyed a sandwich and drink (and conversation with matt) while watching the french and belgium countryside race by at 300kph. i played bag boy when we arrived in brussels because all the bags were piled right where it turns out was our exit (our entrance was on the other side). i enjoyed it. brussels was just a train transfer so can't say i saw that city at all. the next train was slower, but we had seats. we got to amsterdam in the early evening. after sorting out how and when we'd get to the amsterdam airport, we headed into the world famous city. here's the very short recap(since i waited so long to write about it). bikes are very prevalent. lots of "coffee" shops. lots of sex-related souvenirs. the red light district was surreal to walk through...some very attractive women, some not so great. we enjoyed an amstel (not amstel light) and lots of other beers. we did't jump right into a coffee shop and by the time we decided to go to one, they were closed. it was sunday night, after 1am so i guess that was our fault (madrid! your late hours mislead us!). but most of the coffee shops were completely empty anyways, and with this group that wasn't looking to get high, the appeal of the coffee shop (at least to me) was to get a contact high. another observation...all dudes! everywhere we went there was an exceptionally high guy to girl ratio (at least 3:1). we burn the last of my euros, then head back to the train station to make our way to the airport. we avoided the little rain that fell by drinking in a bar. and considering i thought it'd rain everyday in madrid, the weather was phenomenal. a little windy 1 day, but the rest was sunny and clear and warm enough and gorgeous. we get to the airport, get to our terminal, then lay down on the floor for a few hours of rest. it got really cold sleeping on the tile floor, but a good night's sleep was something i wasn't used to (or expecting).

we were still flying standby, though. dan said this direct flight to chicago was good and since we had no way to communicate with him, we assumed it was still good. the regular passengers board...then the standby role call starts. we had the lowest priority so we should have been expecting to be the last people sitting there, but it was still nerve-racking. it was a little demoralizing to hear the employee tell some of the last people before us "and you got the last first class seats." but at this point we all just wanted to get on a plane back to america. and we did. i believe we sat economy plus which offered a little more leg room, which was nice. but i slept most of the flight anyways. seats didn't recline NEARLY as far, food was much less quality, couldn't control the movie or music and drinks weren't free, but it wasn't so bad.

we arrive at o'hare, go through customs, then as we approach the official line into the united states, there's dan cheering. very unexpected and made me smile. through various stories over the next hour and week we learned that dan was a nervous-wreck since thursday afternoon when he learned our first choice (madrid to chicago) flight did NOT look promising. he's offering to split our travel costs to get home because he felt so bad about the situation. but now that we were back home he was very happy and even more relieved. i guess i was happy to be home too, but i sincerely loved europe.

we awake to find the 2 beds empty...lucky and joe woke up early and i was too passed out to hear anything. good guys, but didn't think twice or feel bad there was no proper goodbye. the shower routine and general milling about in the morning. i go to charge my camera since the battery had to be getting low, but it's not where i thought it was. it's not anywhere. no one can find it. retracing your steps after a night of drinking can be daunting....i had no reason (and it'd be really unlike me) to take my camera with me during our night wandering, but dan remembers a picture being taken and no other camera had those pictures...so it must have been mine. where it went i still have no idea. did it fall from my pocket? unlikely since i care about, not so much my camera specifically, but the pictures...even while drinking i still value those tremendously. did lucky or joe take it? unlikely since they were good people. did the maid take it? unlikely since she did not seem like the type, at all. did someone swipe it out of my pocket the previous night? unlikely, just because i don't think that happened. i have NO clue where it is, but i'm pretty sure that memory card had, not only all the spain pictures i chose to take (matt's pictures just aren't the same...much fewer for starters), but probably the majority of biking trip pictures. all those times i stopped my momemtum, snapped pictures, then restarted...all those memories from this HUGE trip that i did mostly solo...gone. i haven't confirmed this fact, but i'm 99% sure. strangely, when i resigned to the fact my camera was gone, i thought the pictures i lost were just of spain and oregon!?!? for some reason. and i had those on disc and i could get minor's pictures so it wasn't a giant loss, but i still took it really hard. i was very gloomy for a few hours. i'm really glad i didn't realize it was my bike trip that was lost until tuesday (or wednesday).

so that sucked. but we were in spain and we all were wanting to go to a soccer game. as fate would have it, the cheaper team (but still la liga team) was playing on a saturday so we decided that was the day's main activity. we wander madrid for a few hours just to kill some time before the evening game. we end up wandering back to the area we first explored back on day 1, but we see different things. this time we see the main cathedral, which was disappointing on the inside, and make an effort to see the bridge that was/is famous as a place to commit suicide. the 6 foot high glass barricades detract from the view, but it was cool to see one of the less traditional spots in madrid. we grab a drink on the other side of the suicide bridge overlooking more of the city. then it was off to the stadium to watch a soccer match. the crowd was large and spread out amongst the bars around the stadium and a crazy amount of people had jerseys...it was great. we buy tickets from a guy who didn't know english and then wander back to the bar area to grab a beer ourselves. just before we head into the stadium i purchase an atletico de madrid jersey so i fit in more (and it's a souvenir that suits me perfectly!). the game was what i expected...atletico drew 1-1 (after missing their first pk and giving a up a VERY late goal). i think one of my life goals was to watch a premier league game live...i'm going to add "watch a la liga game live" to that list and then immediately cross it out since i had the joy to witness one already. not many (or any?) vendors walking the aisles and i don't think there were concessions in the stadium at all...i love that!...and we wonder why america is so fat.

after the game we wander back and find our way to a restaurant. it was a little joint, but had some local flavor (and cheaper prices) that we were looking for. i didn't want to break the bank or be too exotic so when dan reads in his guidebook that "cod" is a kind of a madrid thing, i order the cod omlette. dan gets tripes a la madrilena. matt gets roasted suckling pig. those two share a stuffed pepper. dave got lamb chops. the cod was fogetable. the lambchop was good, but fairly normal. the stuffed pepper was awesome. the tripes were equally bad, but very unique and glad i got to try them. and the pig...it was a quarter (the front left) of a baby pig! the eye and brain were removed, but that was about it. the tongue was still there, the spine, the ribs, the hoof, the skin, the ear...it was something i've never seen before at a restaurant and i was glad matt ordered it. he got a little crazy posing with it and that drew some unwanted attention (before that, we americans, i think, were kind of entertaining to the other local patrons) but whatever. the meal itself was good overall and the whole ambiance of the experience was great. we stopped for gelato and then again for a drink on the way back to the hostel. with travel plans to finalize it was an earlier night (getting back about 12 or 1am...i don't remember anymore).


more to follow...

so i quickly get back to my hostel, luckily i get in the front door (since my key was lost) and then meet back up with the group. showers, breakfast, then finding our new hostel (and sorting out that payment situation) all delay the long, slow process to get out of the city for a day hike. it was a little challenging finding the correct train, but we hop one and head to the little tow of cercedillia. upon arrival, we try to ask where there is a hiking trail, but the local hostel owner does not speak any english. after dan uses his internet to set up a "just in case" plan, we wander towards the end of a street and lo and behold we find a path. nothing special and there were a number of other walkers, but it was nice to see a different part of spain. the path seemed to parallel the town but the town was plenty small so it felt like we were out in nature. dan lagged back and was trying to figure out a way to run around us and then pop out and scare matt, dave and myself, but his plan was thwarted when i noticed him running in the forest off to our side. having been spotted, he tried extra hard to run far ahead...but our path turned. we headed into civilization and didn't know where dan went (or would go). after our choice of paths (which turned into the road) didn't produce much, we doubled back hoping to notice something different and get back on the standard trail. and sure enough, where we lost the path we picked it up again. this time, instead of being seeing the gate as a barricade, we tried opening it and it worked! turns out the signs that we thought were some sort of warning sign actually were cluing us in the the path followed that direction...go figure. anywho, we stopped for a granola bar and as we're finishing our snack, the beginning of a long train of cows/bulls comes sauntering down the path (the one dan was running on). i goof around a bit with them, feining a crazy run at them and lobbing a stick in their direction, and then bowl a rock towards them...unfortunately the ground didn't dimish the speed of my throw like i'd thought and my aim was much better than i thought and my rock rolled and then bounced up into a little one (that was standing by a big one). i felt bad, but everyone was unharmed. we continue on our way and the path starts going much more vertical than the previous couple hours. it was getting later so we determine we'll only stay on this path for another 10-15 minutes before turning around. after about 10 minutes i get to a bend in the path and down the way about 30 yards is dan. standing all proud of himself with walking stick and rolled up jeans. AFTER we see him, we notice he'd written, in rocks, "dan" on the ground...very helpful. we would later learn and be shown (on the descent) another rock message from dan...this first one was underlined and the time he wrote it scratched onto the rock. so we meet up with dan after about an hour apart. he had ventured higher up and said there was a great spot for a picture just up a bit. our "10 minutes then turn around" plan obviously was out the window. we get to the spot dan mentioned, but notice another rock out-cropping just a little higher up....so we go there. but from this new spot we notice another rock out-cropping just a little higher up. but from this new spot we notice ANOTHER rock out-cropping just a little higher still. i think we ventured ONE more time higher before we were satisfied (running into a few horse chillin' on the step, rocky slope along the way)...and the view was WELL worth it. a much higher and undisturbed perspective of the mountain we'd looked at most of the day and a beautiful vista out for miles and miles to the south. the town we'd come from, signs of the train tracks way off in the distance, a lake further on and miles and miles of the spainish countryside. we snapped a few pictures and of course had to just sit for a few minutes and quietly take it all in.

finally we decide to head back. the sun wasn't going to stay up forever and we were in a foreign country, hiking in some random forest. the return trip was much faster; we probably could have lingered another 20 minutes before i would have been nervous. there are a few train options and no one (except me to try and find this girl again) was in a hurry so we grab a bite to eat and some beers from the a local hole-in-wall bar...no one spoke english, and i loved it. we mozy over to the train station and catch our ride back to madrid. the train was pretty quiet...we all are a little wound-up, but inevitably get quiet and steal a few winks of sleep on the return trip. from that train we need to grab a metro (or two) in madrid to get back to our new hostel. we meet the 2 other people (lucky and joe...i think both we're "short" for something else (like laughlin and i don't remember) that were staying in our 6 bed room. they were real laid back guys. lucky was born and raised in australia, joe was born in south africa and raised in australia, both were working in england and now traveling in spain. lucky was a big 6'5''(ish?) and needed to be to drink as much as he did. joe was more my size and didn't drink. but both had to endure the crap that followed.

turns out, while we all siesta'd on day 1, dan stayed awake and checked the standby outlook for getting out of madrid on sunday...it didn't look good. he didn't say anything officially until about midnight (after we'd showered on night 2) because he didn't want to spoil the trip. my trip would be VERY hard-pressed to get spoiled, but matt and dave have much more traditional jobs with days off and salaries and structure. so matt was pretty much freaking out, dave was mostly quiet but i'd bet supporting matt's feelings, dan had his nose buried in his computer trying to come up with options, lucky and joe were just politely adding there traveler's thoughts and trying to help when/if they could and i was just really bummed we weren't going to go out and our trip could be over very soon. to get home by monday we no longer could fly out on sunday, as planned...we would need to leave for the airport in just a few hours. OR we could give up monday and then just have another day of traveling to get home. i was almost hoping we'd chose different options so i could hang in spain a little longer and maybe track down this girl, but alas, it wasn't meant to be. after hours and hourse of talking, the best option was to fly to paris, train to amsterdam, then fly to america. after we'd established we're giving up monday, we got out and wander the streets of madrid. lots of people, lots of prostitutes, we passed by a little hippie "drum circle" (just a guy hitting his guitar, i forget why we said he wasn't strumming it...too noisy, maybe?...that doesn't make sense), but NOT lots of food options. minor was really hungry, but there was no late night fast food or street vendors....and we wonder why america is so fat...lots of options to get alcohol on the street, but no food. we wander a good while and then decide to call it a night.

i was pretty drunk having consumed most of my birthday gift (champagne from the first class crew) myself...and some beer. i was happy we were staying another night in madrid, but bummed that was night 2. retire to our hostel and pass out for, the now standard, few hours of sleep for the night.

woke up on the couch (i can sleep anywhere, maybe not super comfortable, but i can sleep almost anywhere) of dan and matt minor (dan's roommate and fellow travel buddy) and didn't have a whole lot of sleep in the tank, but i run on enthusiasm of good things to come...and spain is very good. left the apartment, walked to El, El'd to the airport, ran into some roadblocks there and enough of them that we were pressed for time...very pressed. dan thought we were good, matt and dave were running, i ran just piss off dan...and thankfully we did cuz they BARELY let us on the plane. dan nearly got kicked off cuz of an employee misheard him. he pulled the "i work here" card 1 too many times....but we were on the plane to new york! i slept the whole way. woke up in time to see new york from overhead and for my eye to endure some very strange, but rather intense (and scary) pressure....then it made a strange moaning/crying/hissing noise and it was all better! we were going to be tight on time if we wanted to get to manhattan and eat at the carnegie deli and our ineptness with new your public transit didn't help. we only made it as far as times square and some random deli...but i walked around new york for a few hours!!! it was great. we popped out of the subway right next to madison square garden looking at the chrysler building off in the distance...it was great. and the meal was fine, but the tieramisou (sp!?!?) with a candle in it from dan was a really thoughtful and appreciated gesture. we made sure we were back at the airport in PLENTY of time for our flight to madrid.

we got first class...well, business class, but that's because delta doesn't officially have first class. we got free booze, a delicious 3 course meal (hummus, soup and something for appetizer, beef tenderloin and shrimp scampi main course and ice with the works for dessert), complete control of what movie to watch or music to listen to, slippper socks, an "overnight" bag, nearly fully reclining seats and ample leg room....that was first class enough for me. unfortunately, we had a massive tailwind on the flight and it lasted an all too quick 8ish hours. by the time you could enjoy a drink or two, listen to some music, decompress, eat your meal, settle into a movie (and i'm saying just 1), listen to an album, enjoy a few more drinks, there was hardly any time for sleep! dan says a good 12-14 hours is what you need to really take advantage of first class. with the time change, we left new york at 11:30pm madrid time so, in theory, we should have gotten to sleep pretty quick....as i just detailed, we didn't. the computer said we had just over 2 hours left when i last saw it. so when i was awoken for the descent i didn't get much sleep. i had my first cup of coffee since it was in front of me (and i knew i could use the caffeine)...so i've never drank a cup of coffee....in america! we de-boarded, and walked through the airport to the metro. we were in spain!!! the signs were different, the feel was different...and we were just in the airport!!! we got some Euros from an atm, bought a metro pass and started off to find our hostel. the trains we different...and i loved it. the people were mostly locals after we got away from the airport, probably on there way to work and it was obvious (with our luggage and language) we weren't....and i loved it. we climb what felt like a mountain's worth of steps to get to street level....it was dark, but it was EUROPE!!! i was in madrid, spain!!! giddy would be an appropriate word, despite the cumulative 6-7 hours of sleep the past 2 nights.

we find our hostel. it's on the 3rd floor and the first floor is what we in america would consider the 2nd floor....different, but i loved it anyways! the place wasn't a 5 star hotel; the hallways were super narrow, the bathroom very small and we didn't even have our room until 3pm (it was about 8am at that time) so we were given the cramped storage room to shuffle about, shower and changed...i loved it. then it was off to wander madrid for hours. the historic part of downtown naperville has NOTHING on history in europe. the churches, cathedrals, even the regular buildings were architecturally gorgeous and way different than any urban landscape i'd seen before. we strolled into a couple churches and i was awed at the height of the domes and intricacies over such a vast amount of space. still no desire to attend church, but asethetically it was something else. we passed the palacio real (but didn't go in because it cost 10 Euros). we walked through various parks, the best one coming later in the day....el retiro. a massive green space (which offset the massive amount of paved ground everyway else) with a large, man-made pond was a nice resting point after a long day of just walking and soaking in madrid. it was quite windy and a little chilly but nothing was going to make the day crappy. in fact, i thought it was going to rain at least 1 of, if not every day (20-80% chance, i thought for all the days we were there) but it didn't! wonderful fall weather...although not sure the climate of madrid...but whatever it was supposed to be did't matter because it was beautiful the whole time we were there. on the way back to the hostel we stop at a bar for some tapas...classic spanish food and we were all quite exhausted and tired from a day of walking (i'd guess 4ish miles??? no clue) on no sleep and little food. we scored a little sandwich of egg and potatoe for free at one of the bars...who says the world hates americans! lots of pictures taken because lots of picture worthy stuff. the buildings, the cathedrals, the statues, the parks, it was all amazingly different and beautiful. finally, we return to our hostel, get our room and siesta for 3 hours. much, much needed. we awake in time to shower and hit the common room for a card game and pregaming on sangría for our organized barcrawl! the brazilian girls weren't insanely good looking, but plenty good and knew just enough english to make it awesome...but they weren't the partiers i hoped and stayed in. the girls from the midwest were there for school and had papers to write...oh well. off we went, after a few sips of a 5 hour energy, to gather more people from another hostel and to our first of 4 bars. bar 1 was ok. some locals and then this reasonably large group of travelers (15 swelling to more than 20, maybe?) was a nice mix...but i spent all the time talking to other travelers who, thankfully, knew english. met some scandinavians, of course some australians, i think there were some americans and i forget where else. it was good. knowing a few guys always makes it easier to branch out and be social. the free drink went fast and the alcohol started to flow. not sure how much money i ever spent anywhere in europe at anytime because it looked like monopoly money! i threw the 50 around without batting an eyelash....i never use 50's in america!...but i don't think i spent crazy amounts on anything. anywho, talking to girls and guys from around the world...and i loved it! left bar 1 for bar 2 which wasn't anything special. no real memory of that. bar 3 was the "cheap" bar and i made sure we took advantage of that by setting the precedent of buying the next round while we were only 30% done with the previous one...hehehe. it was a little shady with the clientele and the bar tender tried to screw dave by giving him change for a 20 when he used a 50. who cares though!?!?! we all survived, got drunk for cheap and walked away with everything we came in with! we bailed from there to grab a quick bite to eat (having missed dinner), but made sure we knew how to get to the last bar....actually, the host of the bar crawl, marcos (who seemed to know half the people we passed on the streets) was very concerned that we make it to the last bar. we played cards with him, and talked a little on during the crawl, but he genuinely wanted to make sure we continued to have fun and found the group again....i liked him.

this is the point in the story where i ALWAYS fail to remember: the progression from normal, drinking ryan concerned with having fun to ryan who starts having success with a girl. i met this girl at the first bar, but she wasn't on my radar AT ALL. good looking, yes, maybe too looking, but not really, but for whatever reason i didn't see her as an interest...but i think she saw me that way. anyways, bar 4 (i'm quite confident that's when things moved along) was good. salsa dancing, locals, music, girls, people, drinks....i don't know...i don't remember much. my traveling buddies left after a goodbye, decided to come back to make sure i knew my way home and said i was sitting on this girls lap. i recall the drunken direction giving and i SWEAR it made sense while dan was drawing on the napkin...but i really didn't care. i was having fun. i may have attempted to salsa dance (obviously failed if i did); not sure how/why/when we left, but mohini and i head out and wander madrid...hand in hand and stopping for a make-out session. it was great...first night in madrid in the wee hours of the morning (well, for us americans, i think 5am is fairly normal over there), hanging with a good looking girl (albeit from america too...new jersey to be more specific..but not exact). we are about to part ways, but i lost the directions and have no idea how to get home. i tell her "we're getting you home, i'll figure it out." i even said "i'll give you my valuables and then sleep on the streets," when she expressed reservations about bringing me back...not because we just met, but because of her roommates at the hostel. now i assumed she knew them (cuz i knew my roommates), but it's quite possible they were just randoms so i NOW understand her point of view. well, i bat my eyelashes and end up crashing on her bed with her. who knows how far it could have gone if there was no one else in the room (or at least passed out people...all these girls were lame and didn't go out)...as it was we just kissed and fell asleep. the morning was rough with my week long sickness gaining steam again as i burned the candle at both ends without getting much sleep...real scratchy, dry throat. contacts held out and spirits were high despite the headache.

now it came time to get some information so i could see her again. day 2 was our "day trip" out of madrid to hike so i figured i could find a phone or just show up in the early evening for a chance to see this girl again. i got her europe cell phone number on part of the napkin that had the directions...yes, i found them at this point. honestly, i couldn't find the previous night...i swear. while laying in bed in the morning, both awake, i said "i finally met my spanish girl...and she's from new jersey." i liked that line, she seem to enjoy it. let me say she was only 20. kind of a wrench, but not for that first night. so i try to leave respectfully quietly with a smile on my face...i was in madrid, i met a girl...and on night 1!! two more nights to met more or see her again!! awesome.

i inquire where i am with the hostel employee and how to get back to my hostel. i lost my key, had no phone, no idea where i was and was struggling with the language barrier....but i was happy. the employee tells me i'm 40 minutes away from home...by metro travel. wtf!?!?! how far did we wander?!?! whatever, gotta get moving since i don't have a key. i find the metro station, consult a map....wait...i'm 1 stop from where i need to be!!! awesome!!! i ride the train...and i'm pretty sure 2 of the roommates were waiting for the same train. and then when i got off at the next stop, i passed right by then as they were standing in the door of the crowded train car...i didn't care. i was in madrid!!! get off at the same stop we originally got off at, confidently find my way to the hostel and then wait until someone leaves (since i have no key!!) it took maybe a minute, up i went. i knock on our door, answered immediately....joy!!!! and then it turns out the key (hotel key card thingy) had slipped inbetween my wallet...i had my key back!!!

unstoppable.

wow....a lot has happened that i didn't write about. i can't even remember...so thursday was...nothing...i think. i'm pretty sure it was a quiet night. friday was a full day of work, came home and got a work out in which made me feel good, but not so good that i had no plans for a friday night. brendan comes through with a willingness to do something but we have to start at the restaurant. turns out it was ok because i got to meet sara's mom, barb. she's a soccer fan because her other daughter is dating an MLS player (will johnson of real salt lake) so we talked a little futbol and i was charismatic enough to earn an oft-offered invite to monday dinner. i didn't believe brendan when he said sara's parent's want him to date there daughter, but i really got that impression after monday (the dinner invites on brendan's day off, inviting his friends, telling brendan to go with sara to the wine cellar and pick a wine). anywho, friday was chill (or something, i forget the details) and then i packed it in earlier so i could go work on saturday. work was fine and again, no real plans...and again, brenden is willing to go out. we find our way to maple av and chris's sister and shannon (ashley's sister) joined us three guys. the bar is closing and the late start makes the night feel early (and it's brendan) so he tries to convince people to head back to his place. i'm up for it....we have to get sara (which drunk brendan gives me poor directions to find), chris and ashley come back as well. 3 guys, 2 girls....chris is tired and combined with some alcohol he's snoozin'. wake him up to be fun, but he just leaves....2 guys and 2 girls. not sure exactly how it happened, but me and shannon end up making out and lay together on the couch...brendan and the recently single sara hook up. i woke up with a head ache, but a desire to go to dan's to watch the bears game. it was 10:30am....do or die time if i want to go....wait, it's the sunday night game! good cuz that buys time, bad cuz that puts me in the city late. i decided in my head i wasn't going until i call dan and without even trying to persuade me he persuaded me to come out. so i make it there just in time for the game and pretty quick i'm asked "want to go to europe on wednesday?" my reply was "if it's madrid, i'm in." the bears lost. towards the end of the game they were deciding where to go and, literally, a globe was pulled out and people were suggesting cities; but the standby options didn't look good so the discussion went on and on. i left with the destination as costa rica, but zero intention to go. the ride home was enjoyed while listening to a favorite npr program of mine (interesting, random stories read with by a good voice...program is only sunday nights, 11pm). monday i told jamye the story where they literally pulled a globe out and just were pointing randomly and she freaked out that i wasn't considering going. i had my reasons: no strong desire to go to costa rica, cost money and not make much, save for other things, attend planned weekend events were the main one. but she just kept saying "you have to go! i'll hate you if you don't....you have to go!" and then i started considering it....and it's right up my alley to travel and doing on a whim makes a perfect story. so i called dan, the invite was for real, but they hadn't decided...only knew europe was out. so home i went for a quick shower and then off to dinner at barb's house. enjoyed some wine, conversation, laughs, met her husband, the food was unbelieveable (beef tenderloin and shrimp scampi)...the night continued onto the living room couch and no one showed any sign of leaving. more bottles of nice wine were retrieved and subsequently drank. it was great. dan calls just after 11pm and informs me: we are going to.....MARDRID! i thought europe was out but apparently not. my dream country, my dream city...couldn't ask for anything more. i said an enthusiastic yes. didn't say anything to anyone cuz i was considering going to spain stealth style like vegas. we stayed long enough that midnight hit....it was my 27th birthday. i was in the house a of relative stranger after just enjoying a wonderful meal...it was perfect. i got a little cupcake with a candle in it and i was flattered at the effort. i was happy. we eventually left and i didn't get a whole lot of sleep...but the next day i was bouncing off the walls with excitement so i didn't need the rest. also, i didn't do any work (literally, about 1.5 hours of work in the 10 i was there); i spent the whole time talking to jamye and a lot with lourdes (the mexican girl i like) practicing my spanish and learning about her. get home, shower, head over to parents, don't even walk in and we head out to dinner. i couldn't keep quiet and it was probably for the better to mention to your parents when you're leaving the country (just in case). so once i told them i figured news would travel fast (based on the appalachian trail crap and the fact the waiter and the materdee knew i was going to spain within an hour of me spilling the news). i sent a couple texts adding, non-challantly, "oh yeah, i'm going to spain tomorrow." it was fun getting replys back. back to home, pack and then off to chicago to crash at dan's place so i was assured i wouldn't miss the early start.

i'm back from spain (and paris and amsterdam). i'm pretty tired...actually, i think it's mild depression; after such a good trip to come back to not just regular life, but MONDAY regular life is not very appealing at all. i won't take the time to detail the trip now. i'm going home to make a crappy dinner, probably won't feel too motivated/energized to go work out, reading does NOT seem very appealing at this stage and i'm not looking forward to listening to NPR. don't feel like going home either for various reasons...i think i want to let the trip ferment some. and the nagging sickness that started 2 weeks ago is really annoying in my throat now. so it's currently 4pm....last week was 20 hours of work but can't charge much more than 11-12 because i did NOTHING on tuesday and this week i've already missed a day. financially, i'm fine, just saying this because it's running through my head and adding to that sinking feeling i've had since driving away from dan's place 90 minutes ago. i think part of this depression is related to the fact i just spent every day, all day, for multiple days with people/friends (oh yeah, and i was in MADRID!)...a far cry from my normal life, but much more in-tune with my personality for most of my 27 years.

i'm going home to do something (have no real clue) and probably get to bed early...i can't remember the last "good night's" sleep i had.

went in the 'ol email to figure out if i'll be heading to door county this weekend for "October Birthday Weekend." turns out the schroll's are both leaving on thursday and brent's car is full...not wanting to miss overtime hours and thinking it won't be that fun anyways(and definitely not wanting to drive myself) i probably won't make it up there. adam is working this weekend and he was the only other option to split gas and keep me company on the LONG drive up there. while i was in my email i noticed christy replied. i held off reading it for a few hours until after work. if it was good, then my night would be great (and the emotion not dulled by having to still work a few more hours); if it was bad, then i'd rather find out when the drudgery of work wouldn't magnify it. well, it turns out it's not really either. the post i thought was hers was not (or so she says), but apparently she has posted others...and won't reveal them. her words seem a bit flirty and hopeful...kind of like mine. i would bet large sums of money this passes by the wayside (classic ryan bet though, i'm right or i'm happy...from my perspective that's a win/win)...but you never know. the context wasn't exactly very committal, but it gave me a window of hope when she said "I would like the chance to explore a bit of the world with you when/ if it ever happens." i had the impulse, after looking at the inset of the 'change the world' cd i checked out from the library, to go to africa and do something useful, something productive. although reality is never as good as my imagination, it was a very pretty picture i imagined: enduring the heat, being helpful to those in need, having an impact on their lives, meeting people and just being someplace drastically different...and i could see christy wanting to do something like that. i NEARLY sent a quick reply....i'm going to do it. [ ] it was a short message, but i was away for about 20 minutes. i seemed to get really caught up in girls i can't hope to see...but i do like writing correspondence...probably because you can proofread yourself, you can take a long time to just come up with a better way to say something more succintly and mostly because she can't know how much time your really spend thinking about her. after thinking about the goings-on in my life for my last entry and realizing this ship is losing a little steam, the message (the not super pro-ryan message i was hoping for) from christy threw a little coal into the engine room. and maybe a chunk of that kick was due to taking my mind on another adventure. it'd be hard to walk away from the money i'm making (and i may have to walk this time since it seems more and more likely they'll keep us employed through the winter), and super hard to walk if we can keep working overtime, but if i can get someone else on board, i think i'm ready to go someplace again.

super tired today and probably the fact i'm coming down with a cold adds to it.

don't really have much to write about....again. that funny, this first paragraph was about a quarter of it's size when i first wrote this previous comment; obviously, i have stuff to ramble about. but these were additional thoughts i wrote before beefing up that first paragraph.

why haven't i heard a word from aine?

i should say 'hi' to that girl from the fitness room...but i don't want to compete with headphones and would prefer to do it when there's only the 2 of us...anything to chicken out, i guess.

talked with jim on sunday...feels more natural or said differently we settled into our situation of never really seeing each other, but valuing the friendship enough to talk every few weeks/months. i prefer that to the dave scenario of no communication.

that's all for now.

so thursday went to quigley's but couldn't get in because sara was with us. i don't think the jen's were there...or they weren't at 1030 (don't recall when they got there yesterday). i was in the mood to do something so the plan was to go to brenden's. turns out it was the same group as the monday i had a great time....but it wasn't so great this time. shannon was a little more fun, no dance party and sara was a lot less fun. i don't know why but she just was really unappealing. i ended up driving the o'brian girls home and then took myself home. after a quick bite to eat i went to bed at 4. woke up to jamye's phone call at 6:45am and was at work before 7:30. i had a very annoying headache and combined with the super tiredness i wasn't productive...plus talking to jamye didn't help. anywho, left before i intended cuz i was literally getting no work done. went home, napped for 3 hours, didn't feel like working out, enjoyed reading, ate some food and then back to bed at 10:30 for my friday night. i didn't feel too bad cuz i woke up and went to work by 7:30 on saturday morning. very productive until jamye got there about 10. didn't charge time for every hour i was there between friday and saturday (nearly 3 hours were "free") but i feel comfortable charging time now...and i still got 12+ hours of overtime this week. worked much later than i thought (until 2:30pm), but now monday should be good since i'm on a new job that is mostly under control...so that's good. also had time to get home, have some lunch, get a work out in and then a quick stop at home for some food before going to aurora to go to a haunted house. 4 girls, two coupled up, and three guys...i went through the haunted house with the 2 single girls and sam was clinging to me out of fright. the house was pretty cool, wish it was a bit longer, but fun nonetheless. back to the bredesen's for the night and it was just ok. they don't have a good sound system and have a cranky neighbor so it could never really get too loud. the people aren't the most fun either and NO cards! but i mostly enjoyed the talking. didn't really talk to sam because she was really annoyed ryan covert wasn't coming...i guess the last weekend he made more of an impression than me. she eventually left and we never really talked...i wasn't particularly broken up, but i wish she would have came up to me or showed any interest. never really had a great time, but with no plans sunday i figured i'd just drink and drink and crash at the bredesen's for the night. that's what i did. woke up about noon to a phone call from home...didn't answer, turns out it was nora. no one was awake at the bredesen's and i didn't want to wait so i just left without knowing how to get home. i made it fairly easily since i had a general idea of which direction to go and it was nice to fill up my day with my nieces and football and now the internet. just sent another brief message to christy...this one said a little more than the last one which never received a reply after a week. with no reply there, still nothing from aine, no show on the jen's at quigley's, telling laura "no," and then getting told "no" by the original jen things have spiraled down a little in the past week. and i may not go to door county for birthday weekend cuz i don't want to drive 5 hours with just me in the car to go hang out with 3 couples (2 of which will have there kids there), but i have no plans otherwise so a relationship-less, career-less 27th birthday by myself could really deal a blow to my attitude and outlook....but i'm back on track at work, getting overtime hours, enjoying my book and there's enough stuff pending; plus i really think i can keep my spirits up so it should be alright.

i really hope i can wake up early tomorrow so i can get a little meditation in.

my gut says it's not me.

a little extra time yesterday, some more extra time today...by friday i should be starting to rack up the overtime hours! the prospect of working through the winter looks good. the only thing that isn't "rosy" is that i fully intend to go out on thursday back to quigley's which could make a 7-10 hour day on friday a lot less productive and diminish a typically cheerful mood that last work-day holds...but a good night there can go a long way. hopefully the jen's will be there...new people make life more fun. at work, still talking with jamye and that helps the day move along and not focus too much on the work. lots of joking around with eric. still not a fan of the boss but she's less present in my normal day as of late so that makes her more tolerable in my book.

i don't have much to say. did a little meditation session this morning...planned on waking up earlier to do that, but hit the snooze button...then my freakin', beepin' fire alarm got me out of bed a few minutes early and it turns out i had the time (think it's just a low battery noise...there was no fire in my apartment). wish i could make morning meditation a routine, but we'll see how motivated i am.

haven't been reading a whole lot lately. partly due to all the nights i've been going out, but also because "island" isn't as good as i was expecting and i'm trudging through the last 20 pages...hopefully tonight. excited to read a new book, but don't know which it'll be. got another national geographic and started in on that...i love redwood trees.

motivated....a little...to do something with my place. i still think i may paint. and i really would like to get some more pictures up, but the circumstances are making this seemingly minor task drag out WAY longer than it should. i may "splurge" and get the internet too.

if this freakin' baseball game would end i could go home and get ready and go to bed early to help sustain me through another planned 10 hour day tomorrow (and store up for losing some sleep on thursday night). detroit/minnesota are in a 1 game playoff for the central division. i hate baseball, but love playoffs and this is a very entertaining game...i can't tear myself away until this thing ends.

sent christy a quick message on sunday...safe, non-committal...still haven't heard back, but no reason to believe she's seen it, yet. i don't know what i'm rooting for here...i would have NO idea what to do...it couldn't be me?....could it?

instead of the normal depressed feeling on sundays (note, that feeling has been absent most if not all the past month or two) today i sit here absolutely loving life. monday i went to brenden's...arrived a little after the scheduled time of 8, but no one showed up for an hour...and they're were only 6 of us there as a total...but it was great. really fun girl that suggested shotgunning a beer; i'd never done that, i don't think, but it was good. combined with a random shot or two and i was well on my way to not caring...and yes, it was still monday night with normal work on tuesday. dance party was fun. i eventually passed out from the drinking...the drinking girl (named sarah) proceeded to unbutton my pants and stick my hands in my boxers so it'd b ea funnier picture. i had the foresight to send a text to jamye for a much needed wake-up call, but she didn't get it until she charged her phone at work...it then took 12 consecutive calls to wake me up at 8:20am. i got to work by 9, still buzzed...it was fun. left earlier to meet dave at quigley's to watch messi and barcelona play. the game was alright, the conversation was good. i was surprised he wanted to go out at all and he stayed for the whole game. nearly spent another few hours there, but janice and jason decided to NOT come after saying they would. no worries, i was able to get home and work out and still get to sleep early to make up for monday night. also, called laura and basically said "no, i don't see this going further." probably ruined her night, but i felt good for actually calling. wednesday night i restrained myself from going out because i wanted to make it to quigley's to see if this girl i had a passing conversation with last week was equally intrigued by me; she said hi because she thought i was with her group, i said no, but made a genuine compliment that came out of nowhere...i normally don't do that...and i think her interest was piqued and wanted to see if she'd return to see how it played out...cuz that's what i was going to do. thursday was a reversal of furtunes as i finally got a return text from jen basically saying "this isn't going anywhere...you're nice, but schedule problems." i said "bummer" she responded, i responded back and after feeling not so great (but ok overall) we are basically still where we were the past few weeks. i think i'll end up seeing her again. so that happened at the end up work and i found out brenden was interested in going to quigley's. that meant i was in good spirits knowing at least brendan would go out, was i listening to my ipod keeping my energy high and my energy was high because i caught back up on sleep. so thursday was enjoying some drinks and sure enough a girl that looked similar to the one i had that passing conversation with ended up sitting at a table close by....she was with just one friend and no one else was joining them...almost like she forced a friend to come back out just to see if that boy from last week was as intrigued as she was; so after nearly not saying anything i decided "what the hell?" and went over to talk. it wasn't her. but both her (jen) and her friend (jen) were interesting (especially the better looking one, the one that i thought i talked to last week) and seemed to enjoy my company. brendan went to smoke, i called chris (who was there at that point) over...brendan came back and now it was the 2 girls i started talking to and 3 guys. whatever, being bitter or jealous or getting upset is completely unproductive so i just went with the flow. couldn't bring myself to ask for phone numbers, but it was understood at this point that they are frequent patrons of quigley's...and they'd probably be back next thursday. i'm confident i'll see them again. and i'm not sure if i could see myself pursuing either of them, but i could see myself befriending them and having a couple female drinking buddies and regular quigley's hang out companions. they both are really cool and the one is a mildly famous (in Europe) singer who has insomnia, teaches music, plays piano, writes songs and is a native american activist and that's just what i gathered from the hour or so we were talking. it was good. i nearly went to the city with brendan but he took soo long getting stuff out of his apartment i lost enthusiasm and told him "i'm out." he accepted readily and i'm glad i did it. got to work at normal time, heard chicago lost the olympics in the first round of voting, people started leaving after there 40, then i learned we could work overtime!!!! apparently they want 650 da's certified by the end of the year!! i thought we were on the brink of being fired and then this! i probably wouldn't have stayed too long but jamye said stay and keep me company and as time went on, i realized i don't need to do anything i had planned before going to dave bredesen's birthday party...so why not stay? i got 3.5 hours of overtime. got home showered, napped and then napped some more because janice/jason wwere much slower than i thought in heading down to utica (by starved rock). disappointed with the lateness, but the night was great. i don't want to say i was the life of the party, but i think the 3 extra people and my newness to the group was appreciated. we went swimming for an hour. came back and then played cards and hung out. it was normal drinking fun, but with new people in a new setting so it was great. as the proceeded, dave and megan drama; jason drank too hard and left the fun to pass out; eventually it got down to megan, ryan and samatha. i don't know how it happened, but sam and i ended up sitting close and when megan left the room we kissed...megan walked back we stopped...she left again, we kissed again, megan comes back and then stayed in the room. sam went up to sleep since it was about 7am. megan was still upset about the drama with dave so i talked to her, tried to comfort, but then realized i was pretty much spinning my wheels. much to my surprise, i went and laid down next to sam. very un-ryan-like. woke up and she was already downstairs. we didn't really say much or act funny. i'm ok with it. i'm going with the flow. i think i'll see her again. it would have been nice to stay for saturday night, but megan naperkowski's birthday stuff was happening that night. we got back, i drove since jason was REALLY feeling it and janice was not 100% either...i wasn't great, but didn't want to show it...i like drinking hard and then showing i'm a gamer and mostly unaffected the next day...i drank my 12 bottles, had a beer at the pool and a number of little jello shots. at home i was not too tired, but not motivated to work out so i laid down...i love waking up not knowing the day or if it's 5:30am or 5:30pm....it was 5:30 pm and saturday so i could afford to lay back down. i got a workout in and stopped at home for dinner before going to features for megan's birthday. it was ok...nothing special at all. i texted brendan on the way back, he texted just in time for me to pull into the angeli's parking lot...hung out there for over an hour, drove him back and then not having any reason to need regular sleep hours i hung out with brendan. good conversation, i nearly fell asleep a couple times, but didn't. stayed there til after 5 and went home. i actually was sober enough and awake enough to crack open my book and read a few pages. that brings me to today. woke up at 1...read for a little bit, headed home with laundry to watch the bears and grab a blanket. still her 5 hours later, but really glad i am. got outside to enjoy this perfect early fall day, but just to take the dog for a walk. feel a little guilty about not taking better advantage, but i'm glad i didn't ride my bike to naperville library or other stuff cuz i don't have the energy...and i may ride to work tomorrow. also, i pulled out the laptop to check my email and write what was supposed to be a quick entry (then i realized how much i'd done in the past week). in my email i have a friend request from someone i've never heard of, but she looks good. turns out she also sent a message and she's a friend of dennis's...i barely know dennis...but she saw i play volleyball and she wants to get a competitive volleyball team going!!! i'm so freakin' excited!!! granted, it'll probably be pretty south of hear, but if we can get overtime and will likely be employed through the winter (don't want to jinx myself...it always backfires when i say something like that regarding ladies, especially), i can justify the extra gas expense...oh yeah, and i LOVE volleyball!!! side note: the free volley-palooza shirt i was gifted out of no where that i THOUGHT was too big turns out to fit great after a wash...and with that $5 i saved i bought an extra raffle ticket and won a set of bags boards!!! (they're cubs boards with read and blue bags....i think i'll repaint the boards to be democrat and republic...red vs. blue...i like it.); back to the main stream-of-consciousness...we'll see how this plays out, but i feel good about it...maybe. oh, and if i'm heading south for volleyball, possibly during the week, maybe i'll crash once or twice or at least hang out with the bredesen's...and maybe sam. i get excited on the promise of good stuff on the horizon...i already booked my baltimore ticket for early november; i still believe (or hope) i'll get around to renting a car to go to minneapolis to see allison; i'm anxious to see what'll happen next thursday with the jen's; this volleyball potential and new group of people to meet; see what next with sam; getting some overtime pay; and this latest potential. i don't know if it's me, i don't think it is...i don't even know if i HOPE it is me, but it's very intriguing nevertheles...i check my news feed and i don't know if christy (girl i met 3rd and 4 of july when meeting up with allison and her xc biking group) updates constantly on facebook, but once again she has a couple of the most recent posts...one this time says "postsecret." not sure what that meant until until i scroll down and see another of her posts....it's a like to a website called postsecret. it's a website where people anonymously post a secret...i guess it could be liberating to say it out loud or just put that secret in the public arena instead of burying inside, but whatever the case. i thought she would have posted the most recent one so i tried to relate it to her..."i can't believe i'm actually falling for a republican." doesn't make sense to her cuz the guy who was riding around with her in the bus when i first met her was NOT a republican...maybe she met a new guy...either way, whatever...good for her. then i notice in her facebook post she's got a screenshot shown...so i scroll down the postsecret website to the post that looks like the screenshot on facebook; and it reads "there are 5 emergency $100 bills in my closet for a plane ticket to chicago the day you say 'let's get back in touch." i'm sure she met other people while in chicago...i don't even know if this was hers...but the egotisical side of me can't help but think maybe i made enough of an impression on her, this wandering girl who is willing to up and go almost anywhere for whatever reason, for her to actually be talking about me. we left on good terms that 5th of july morning (just realized i may have been saying 3rd and 4th, but i went downtown the fourth so we last saw each other on the 5th of july) and i sent her a genuinely seriuos email...she obliged and updated me with her going's-on a few weeks later...i sent her a follow-up a few weeks after that, another one since she didn't reply, but she got back to me pretty quick, was apologetic and just as deep and open as i've come to expect...i just sent her a long message a few days ago so the timing kind of makes sense. it's insane to think that it could be me...we don't know each other that well and to spend some money (don't think she has a TON of it) on a plane ticket to hang out with a stranger....?? but i get excited on merely the PROMISE of good stuff so this makes me feel happy.

life is good. gotta eat, maybe stop at the grocery store, get some fuel for the car and read and still get to bed ASAP...i think i'll try and ride tomorrow. the morning may be a little dark and cold, but the return trip should be absolutely perfect weather. i missed enjoying today, i really would like to take advantage of another good day before "good days" are qualified by no snow and ice precipation.

still reasonably happy these days. not crazy good times every second, but i've avoided the dips in the rollercoaster of emotions that is often my life; that sounds better. not full-fledged happy, but no major unhappy times in the recent past.

and all this amidst the do-or-die period of the year for this job. i feel no stress...and maybe that's not so good with rent to pay, but i'm ok with everything.

crazy wind today. the only thing that possibly would have made the transition from sunday's beautiful day more symbolic was that if today was the last day of september (and not just the 28th). 30-35 mph, gusting up to 50. it blew my window open yesterday night...twice. then i realized i needed to lock it. also, need to get a blanket and comforter so i can sleep warm at night. i'm digging the gray days of late. classic fall, cross-country, so gloomy and dreary it makes me happy kind of weather. i think i like it because it's so different than the typical summer day i've experienced (more or less) for the past few months...i think i've said summer's my favorite season, but i can't help but say i LOVE different/new.

been more willing to talk to jamye these past few days. i think my positive mood helps that cause. still not as open as i once was, but with little work to keep me busy i like the distraction (and helps time move along). also, i feel like she's listening to me a little. after saying the same message dozens of ways and dozens of times, she seems to be getting my point. i really don't know if i want her to call off her wedding (at this point, i'd say there's a .005% chance of that), but i feel like just changing her situation a little (it's really hard to change a lot after being with the same person for 5 years) isn't what i want either. frusterating, but i seem (looking back) to be taking a more philosophical, objective, zen-like perspective and i think that message is received better. i don't know...i guess whatever happens, happens; i'm more curious, now that it's not a destination wedding, to see if i'll be invited to that wedding. after becoming really close, we had a falling out, the dude's still not a fan, but jamye and i are getting closer again. time will tell.

i want to write to christy so i'm stopping now before i get carried away and begin rambling more or about something else.

21 miles to go...with the ride home still to go, it'll be less than 20 until 6,000.

can't bring myself to really hang out with laura again. it's not in me to take advantage of someone...like that. i had nothing to do yesterday (saturday) which was very strange after a summer of busy weekends. and still i didn't want to go to oak park to hang out with laura. turns out to be a good thing because i headed over to dave's for a power hour. by far, the easiest power hour i've done. exactly 7 beers, pretty much. and the timer was a dave custom made mix consisting of tv show theme songs. janice was the worst, i think then megan, then jason and me and dave were solid. but there wasn't a big deal about the half shots or skipping one and it was a fun time. i didn't even feel that drunk after it. hung out a while, then J's left. megan was tired and wanting to bail, but then i said i'd tell a story if she'd stay up...and i told the vegas story for the first time to someone. it felt kind of good...not great or a huge sense of relief, but somehow i feel like if others know about the situation it's more likely to work out favorably. they're not going to do anything, but i just feel like maybe they'll encourage me or something positive. it also felt good to think about aine again. still haven't gotten a letter, but i'm sure it'll come. she had mostly been forgotten, but i randomly had a dream that included her...it was brief, but we were sitting close, lots of contact and we didn't do anything, but it was good. but that was the start of a long conversation with dave. megan left, dave chilled and didn't show any sign of wanting to bail. talked a little about girls, life, politics, religion was briefly mentioned..it was mostly serious, all good and considering i was pondering going or not at all (in the beginning of the night), it was an awesome night.

jon's birthday party was mostly lame. the stripper wasn't that good looking, she didn't get fully nude (like she was supposed to) and she only stayed half an hour (instead of the full hour). and to make the night even better the second stripper was hours late so we just cancelled that one. oh, and it was just jon, jason and me for the stripper. chris came just as she was leaving. we played some cards. i got DRUNK! we did 3 so-co shots before the stripper, then i was drinking reasonably fast. the day after jon counts the beers and i had had 12. jon had 10. jason had just a few. i spilled some beer and felt a little bad, but i think jon makes a lot of money so i'm not that concerned. i woke up with one contact in. the other one was on the end of a Q-tip. lots of Q-tips were spewed about the sink top. there was anm open bottle of tums. liquid (water?) was on the toilet lid. and my boxers were sitting in the doorway! still had my jeans on, but no boxers. and then i found my last hand of Asshole (the card game) in my pocket! crazy night...i guess. decent friday night...that came after i went to the foundry and forfeited the tournament. an injury, a vegas trip, other plans and i don't know what happened to the subs, but we had 2. i didn't have it in me to just not show up so i went and made the ref say 'you're disqualified.' and for my trouble, i got the beer card which i totally forgot would happen!

so work week pretty much sucked. friday was busy but not unbelievable. saturday was pretty good. and today i rode home to see uncle dale and aunt mary who had stopped on there way home from vacation. brent and nora and brynn are here too. lifted a little before biking home, hope to lift a little more after getting back. throw in some home cooked food while i'm still at home and i hope to get plenty of sleep, some reading and i'll be a relatively happy camper.

what a shitty day at work. i really can't stand the new boss...doesn't know anything and wants to change shit! that doesn't make sense...guess she just wants to feel like she's doing something. throw in some phone calls, emails forwarded from the boss concerning things i shouldn't be concerned with and no new jobs for the past few days and i'm not happy. i updated my resume on a few sights as a result. this could be a good thing. getting laid off would suck, but may force me to look seriously for another...but in this economy, maybe i really want this job.

i was wrong about 6000 miles...i just passed 5900 today while riding to work in the rain...so much for 10% chance. i'll try again tomorrow, it can't happen twice, can it? so i got another 90ish miles to go this outdoor season.

despite the shitty day, i found myself getting really upset, but was able to see the upside of things before too long...strange, for me. and it was genuine, not something forced.

it's getting dark, need to ride home so that's all for now.

wow...just reread the last entry and a lot has happened in the past 2 weeks. janice/jason wedding (2nd in 2 weeks) was far less classy/formal/grown-up than arjun/melissa...which was fine with me, not my wedding. i was looking forward to the music playlist but it didn't turn out to be as great as i thought....from what i remember. got DRUNK and danced like a maniac with lots of people and made numberous facebook photos and little is very clear in my memory. but i do know it was fun. don't remember the hotel bar much, but do remember pat and kt convincing me to go home with them and his sisters. one younger that erik seemed to like and one a little older that was very cool, very hot (yes, it makes sense) and with just the 2 of us left it made sense....but i was sooo drunk. i didn't know i'd find myself in this beautiful scenario! well, we ran out of alcohol and of course pat and his sister terese leave to find some...terese was the older sister that i have a HUGE crush on! she's just like whitney but doesn't have the mild dislike of me!...at least i don't think. then pat and kt have people over this past friday...i left volleyball right as we were done(double header in the last regular season week, and we won ALL 6 games!!!! un-freakin'-believable...and volleyball was fun again!!) to enjoy the hospitality, but there was no terese (bummer). i knew that before i went, but pick-up volleyball was likely to be lame and it can't hurt to become better friends with the guy (and his gf) that are rooting for me to spend time with his gorgeous sister...i get that impression, at least...maybe i'm waaay off. drank a bunch, people started leaving before too long (i didn't get there until after 12am) but megan bredesen and i stayed up singing to music loudly while a few passed-out on the floor. i consciously decided to end my night and passed out starfish-style on the floor...it was 5ish. woke up a few hours later and went home for more rest. elise's birthday was reason to go to chicago. it was ok...remembering to go to dave bredesen's first show with his new band was an unexpected surprise. good time, way too short. back to elise's where i felt like more of an outsider not being a daily/weekly face in that group. going to the bar was a mistake...everyone (and it wasn't a huge group to begin with) left at that point or shortly after getting to the bar. we bailed right after i dropped $20 for a round of drinks...but ian's pizza on the way home was AWESOME. now i need to back track. last weekend, played volleyball at the foundry, left early to go out with brenden...just him and i but we were both game and hadn't hung out in a while. we ended up seeing geoff watson and friends at maple av and it was a nice little crew. before the bar, i discovered i can watch episodeS of 'mr. show' which i thought impossible without the navigating feature of a remote. so i laughed and drank as pregame. as i said, bar was good...brenden wanted to see my new place so we came back, had some decent conversation...i passed out. woke up naturally at the PERFECT time to grab a quick breakfast and head to the last blind draw in my backyard. got a shirt for signing up (it was a charity thing), befriended a dad/daughter combo, hurt the daughter's finger, played the tournament (and lost), hurt my finger and had lots of beer. inbetween all that, i won a few more things at the serving contest (windsuit, a more couple shirts...oh yeah, was given a left over one from volleypalooza). and because of the free volleypalooza shirt i took the money and bought an extra raffle ticket...and i won a set of bags boards!!! they're painted with cubs logos, but i can paint over them or who cares...i got boards now!!! came back, passed out, woke up my phone ringing. it was diwant and he had invited me out to a friend's birthday party in chicago. i was planning on maybe going there to hang with adam so i was in the city for the sunday cub's game (quick recap: phenomenal day weatherwise, woke up still buzzed, hung with adam which was something i hadn't done in a while, great meaningful and funny conversation at the game, beers were flowing and all was good...we went out to a bar for some food and then to watch the bears on sunday night football...mistake to stay there...i ended up catching the 10:30pm train back and had to walk home from the train station...sandals versus barefoot, but sucked, but i went barefoot...got to bed about 1:30am) which i had a ticket to, now i had a ride! and it worked perfectly to eat, shower and then hop in the car. we were a bit early, but the friends showed up and it was good. good beer special (16 oz. lithuanian beer with 95 on the can cuz it was 9.5%...for $4!!!), good people (they were a lot of indians and cute indian girls too) and i love strangers so it was ALL good. turns out i started hitting it off with this chick, don't remember details or how it started or how it progressed, but at some point i say i don't pda so we walk outside and start making-out in the alley...classy, i know. it was a second-base make-out session and i remember that, but not the details to follow. whatever happened, i got diwant to drive me closer to where adam was and met up with him and a few others...it was after 3:15am at that point...oh and i forgot to mention: turns out diwant got that girl's number too! so our previously scheduled meeting for frisbee would be a little interesting. i had just called the girl, laura, the day before and we talked for over a half hour...she seemed cool, but i don't remember what she looked like!!! diwant had called her too, but after the kissing and the conversation and knowing my charisma with ladies versus his, i wasn't too worried. and this brings me back to the conclusion of elise's birthday night. laura and i had been texting back and forth some during the night, then she calls me at like 2am. she can't sleep, elise was making boyfriend/girlfriend noises so i decided to take my conversation as far away as possible...into the dining room, by the rabbit. this is when i first thought this laura girl liked me...the conversion was regular, often flirtatious (coyly and not so coyly...mostly on her part), but it lasted 2 hours!!! my phone nearly died and it was mostly charged. then it was nearly dead again after i plugged it in! it was a total of roughly 3 hours. i ended up waking up to elise and boyfriend at the table...it was 7am! luckily they went back to bed and i moved onto the couch (and off the hardwood floor). slept some more, awoke to watch a little la liga soccer on espn2 (how awesome is that!) and surfed a little with the last stage of a cycling race...in spain! freakin' awesome...and later that day i was going to catch a movie with laura. lunch was timed perfectly to be social and not overstay my welcome before a 5:15 show. i walked into the theater not knowing what to expect...of course, she's really into me, what do you think i was greeted with. she was certainly not skinny and looked a little rougher without my beer googles. i think she knows i'm not as into her as she is into me, but i toed that line enough that there will likely be a future meeting. the few drinks helped, he chilled by the car, i didn't make-out cuz that's just what i do...got lost a little on the way home and finally arrived after 12am. laura texted me a number of times today even though she's been reprimanded before about texting at work...she also skipped temple (yes, she's jewish...and we saw 'inglorious basterds' a tarantino movie about world war II!) on sunday cuz she was tired from staying up until 5am on the phone...i'm a wonderful influence. i could have just aborted, although that would have been hard in person, but i think i'll hang out again just for kicks...she really likes me; now i kind of see what i could appear to be in girls' eyes when the roles are reversed. different, but similar...i'm learning stuff. and this whole time i was hoping to hang with jen by now, but MY schedule hasn't really afforded the free evening so i haven't called her. her slow response with the texting makes me wary...she's not a 9 or 10 either, but more attractive than laura. i gave up focusing too narrowly so i'll just see how things develope. but i can garauntee, if this terese girl has any sort of interest in me my decision will be bastardly, but easy. and since i'm talking about girls...probably months (maybe 2ish) since my handwritten letter was mailed and weeks after a follow-up inquiry i FINALLY heard something from aine. it was 5 lines, but she said she's working on a letter. she also said she's looking into getting papers to stay in new zealand for a long while. not sure if i will ever see her again, but in my head i would have seen her in england...although new zealand would be a much more fun, exotic place to visit. i wish i had internet (getting closer and closer to caving) because i could have given a lengthier account of all of this in a much more timely fasion, but i guess it was meant to be delivered in bulk form. i also would have written A FEW entries about how upbeat i've been feeling. the weather is getting colder and darker (equal light and dark today!) but i'm not as affected, yet, as i thought. having a more active social life provides for great distraction and the sunday depression hasn't hit in a while. still have been able to ride more than drive to work but that could change this week...missed today cuz of yesterday and it's supposed to rain most days so it's unlikely...and then it'll be late september and started at 5:30am it could be pretty cold. but whatever, i expected to get into september, then i was gravey miles. i went for a non-productive ride on tuesday after work...another 100ish minutes after the ride home and i'm about 15 miles short of 6,000 for the season. nice benchmark which i may never break so you can bet your ass i'm GOING to find a way to ride those miles. so i've been pretty happy lately. talked with jeff. talked with jim. haven't spent much time talking with dave. girl-front looks promising in the immediate future and experience breeds confidence and confidence breeds success so even if nothing pans out i think i'll be ok with it all. terese i really want, jen could go either way, laura i may just use her a little...i'm being perfectly honest, harsh, but perfectly honest. and why shouldn't i be in this private space? i got gasoline to buy, weights to lift, books to read and sleep to chase...i gotta run.

woke up today and thought it was sunday...meaning the second wedding in 2 weeks would have been over. my default emotion was to think, "that was fun." then i realized that it was only saturday morning and the fun of another wedding/reception is yet to come and the reason i was feeling great was because of a fun volleyball night at the foundry. what a great feeling that was...listened to music and thoroughly enjoyed the morning routine.

of course our league team sucked last night, but we did manage 1 win (versus a team that only had 1 win coming into the week). i recalibrated my expectations and am able to enjoy our frusterating play a little more...but just a little. still pissed at tim for going over on 2 all the time, still frusterated with the lack of setting abilitiy out of our team as a whole (so i RARELY get to hard). but we played our 9pm game, no make-up games, no tournament so after a few sips, it was right back out to play some pick-up. it was with team "over served" that i was getting friendly with 2 years ago and haven't interacted with much since. it's not like we're friends, but the girls are just as good as the guys and all had a good attitude so it was pretty fun. also, bubba brought a bunch of friends just play some pick-up so after "over served" was done i jumped in with them. just like last time, it was a slow start, but they all kept wanting to play and as we got more tired and numbers dwindled we played better somehow...or at least had good efforts, good points and a good time. the power went out after we were told they were closing down outside, but they turned the lights back on for us after the 25 minute delay and we kept playing! finished with 2's and it was really fun. left about 1:30am very tired. afterall, i rode my bike 4 days this week (friday i rode hard, tuesday/wednesday i rode sick and the only reason i didn't ride monday was cuz i was extremely exhausted from the weekend). nearly played 9 holes on friday after work, but circumstances didn't add up and i napped instead. the week of weather was phenomenal...pleasently warm, not too humid, sunny, no rain....absolutely gorgeous monday through today and should last into next week. i'm sure the weather has enhanced my good feelings this past week+.

decided to not be as bitter (or try not to) after hearing a back story to the van morrison son "cleaning windows." i loved that song the moment i heard it, but after learning it was a true story about van cleaning windows for his day job and hoping for a music career, but nevertheless taking pride and enjoying his job of cleaning windows, i decided things typically work out for those who are genuinely happy and content. who knows what'll happEN (just corrected that after reading this 2 weeks later...i had written 'happy' instead of happen...what a mistake for a pesismist to make!), but i've always said i liked my job, the only drawback was the security and future. well, worrying doesn't help (unless it gets me to apply to other places, which it hasn't) so i'm going to not care jamye got lucky and got the inside track or that my college friends all have careers in their respective fields...i'm happy where i'm at today and we'll worry about tomorrow tomorrow.

maybe this is related, but i decided to look into buddhism again. a reference book with the word "Buddhism" caught my eye on monday while at the library and i ended up checking out a book. i feel good about this. granted, i'm reading a book at night, one during the day, i have plenty i want to read this winter and just bought some more books from the "russian shop" (cuz my library card gave me a discount...$8 for 4 interesting books, not bad in my book), but i see myself fitting 1 or 2 buddhism books in the mix.

looking forward to seeing jen. no plans yet, but the fact the summer is over and her schedule was supposedly going to settle down a little (mine too) has got her popping into my head more frequently. still thinking positive about that whole thing. still haven't gotten any word from aine which is odd. i think i'll start writing another letter since i have a lot to talk about and maybe email a quick "what's going on?" just to inquire.

watching tennis and soccer and about to have some home-cooked food before heading out to start the wedding festivities...already spent more time here than i intended so i'm off!